Turning On the Attraction Switch of Women

Top 10 Lies Men Tell To Women

By Abbe Sami

When it comes to saving their backs, impressing someone or getting out of an awkward situation, there is nothing that men would not say to women. No matter if you fall for the manly fibs or not, you should stop asking yourself why men lie and try to figure out if you are ready for the truth behind them.

1. "I would never lie to you"

You do not need any relationship tips to know that there is no truth in those words. Everybody lies sooner or later, motivated or not.

2. "No, you didn't gain weight"

So you got a bit rounder. Do not ask your partner if he thinks so too. He will always deny it to avoid upsetting you or to prevent a fight. On the other hand, it would hurt to hear that you did gain weight and he would love it if you could lose a few pounds, so you may want to refrain from asking for his opinion.

3. "I don't think your friend is pretty"

You have a pretty friend and everybody can see that. If you do not want to hear your partner telling a lie, do not ask him if he feels the same way. Men contemplate beauty just like women do, but they hate being held responsible for that. In order to avoid a scene of jealousy, they will say no, even when your friend is a beauty icon.

4. "I love you for your soul, not for your body"

When a man says that, he actually means that you should start dieting and work out more. It does not mean that he does not love your beautiful soul, but he would be happier loving a beautiful body as well.

5. "You are too good for me"

"... but not too good for someone else" might be the truthful sequel of this sentence. When you hear it, consider it a red flag! It means that your man is ready to move on and leave you behind.

6. "I will be home in a bit"

There is nothing wrong with these words, except that, usually, your partner has a different interpretation of what "bit" means. If you want to avoid misunderstanding, try to get the estimation in minutes or hours.

7. "I will call you soon"

This line is a classic, usually after first dates. Any dating advice column points it out as a lie. What he really means is: "I don't think I want to see you again".

8. "I only had one beer"

The problem with men and beer is that, after they drink the first one, they seem to forget how to count the ones following. When he says he only had one, it usually means he has had two or three.

9. "We will talk about this later"

If he does not want to talk about things now, he will not want to talk about them later either. He just hopes you will forget or let go, so that you can avoid an argument.

10. "I promise I will change"

People don't change. They do their best to refrain from certain things, they even succeed for a while, and, then, they go back to their old habits. If you love your partner, don't ask him to change. Talk things out and find the middle way, compensate the bad with the good.

Lies are considered a necessary evil by many people. Before you decide that you want the truth, make sure you can live with it. When you here the phrases above, think of what the truth behind them may be. You may prefer the lie in the end, and you would not be the only one.

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When Forgiveness Is Foreign

By Steve Wickham

"True forgiveness is when you can say, 'Thank you for that experience'."
- OPRAH WINFREY

Experiences define us - we know that's right,
We react and respond - freeze, flight or fight,
Whether it's betrayal or hardship or being stirred,
Best we get to thankfulness for all that's occurred.

***

Forgiveness is an elusive concept. Some tend to get it easily, having been gifted the sense for compassion - they are peacemakers by personality. Others are the opposite. They are competitive by character. It's not a case of right or wrong when it comes to personality and character - as if the peacemaker pleases God inherently and the competitor doesn't. God has made us differently for a reason. The peacemaker may be blessed by a mode of forgiveness more than the competitor, but they cannot achieve some things that the competitor finds easy. Sometimes we need a competitive mindset, but it doesn't help in terms of forgiveness.

What the competitor can learn from the peacemaker, so far as forgiveness is concerned, is that in some things there is no such thing as a competition.

When we can foresee that God has designed life as a series of experiences - that are not to be judged in order to be found wanting - we start to see life from an end of life perspective. Imagine being in eternity and looking back over our lives, noticing true importance over the facts of our lives that weren't as important as we thought they were.

Experiences will no doubt involve us had an emotional level, but the intent of experiences is to teach us about life - experiences are not intended to be judged. There will be ecstasy and there will be pain, and all manner of experience between.

Something that sweeps all concept of competition away, so far as forgiveness and relationships are concerned, is if we can be thankful for what happened, or even for something about what happened; we give ourselves space and room; so the perspective of grace might fill that space.

Forgiveness cannot be understood by the worldly person because they think there is no justice in it. But, of course, forgiveness is not truly about justice; it's about reconciliation. And if we are not reconciled with the person we ought to forgive we can reconcile to ourselves as we forgive. We have the fuller sense of integrity about us when we can forgive, because we don't have to try so hard to maintain a split personality.

***

Forgiveness is not truly about justice; it's about reconciliation. If we are not reconciled with the person we ought to forgive we can reconcile to ourselves as we forgive. Integrity is abundantly better than resentment.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Baptist Pastor who holds Degrees in Science, Divinity, and Counselling. Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/

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Love Me But Don't Correct Me

By Willetta A Pilcher

Carolyn sat staring out of the window on a quiet, late October morning with her Bible spread out in her lap. One of the verses she had just read disturbed her. She read the devotional scripture for the day again.

Col 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which...
binds them all together in perfect unity.
Col 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
Col 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

It was the sixteenth verse that jumped out at her. Especially the word admonish. She reached under the end table and retrieved her dictionary. "A... dm..oni... sh, Admonish" she murmured to herself, "to rebuke somebody mildly but earnestly; to advise somebody to do or, more often, not to do something."

"Lord," she prayed, "Why does it have to be me. I don't like conflict and if I rebuke her she will take it wrongly and... "

The phone interrupted her thoughts. It was her older sister, LeAnn, with her usual list of complaints. "It's so chilly... Fred left without... The kids... "

"LeAnn," Carolyn said gently, "Have you ever considered that your mind set may be creating some of your problems?"

The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. "Wh..a..t do you mean, my mind set?"

"Well, the scripture says that God will keep us in perfect peace if our mind is set on him (Is 25:3). And you don't seem very peaceful anymore to me."

"I can't believe you just said that to me. I thought you loved me and would be happy to share my burdens." And with that she hung up the phone in a huff.

Somewhere in this crazy mixed up world the idea has come along that if you love someone you will never say nor hint that another person might be wrong. People who love should accept everyone just like they are and not try to encourage them to change (grow) even if it means a better life for them.

Who, of us, does not need admonition at times, sometimes daily. We are forgiven and righteous in Christ Jesus but we are far from perfect. John, speaking to believers said,...

1Jn 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1Jn 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1Jn 1:10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
1Jn 2:1 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

The scripture has much to say about what we should do for one another. Here is a list...

Admonish... Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16
Bear Burdens... Galatians 6:2
Be Kind... Ephesians 4:32
Be Subject... 1 Peter 5:5
Build Up... Hebrews 3:13; Hebrews 10:25
Comfort... 1 Thessalonians 4:18
Confess to... James 5;16
Consider... Hebrews 10:24
Consume Not... Galatians 5:15
Fellowship with... 1 John 1:7
Forbear... Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13
Forgive... Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13
Greet... 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Peter 5:14
Grudge Not... James 5:9
Have Compassion... 1 Peter 3:8
Judge Not... Romans 14:13
Kindly Affectioned... Romans 12:10
Lie Not... Colossians 3;9
Likeminded Toward... Romans 15:5
Love... John 13:34-35; John 15:12; John 15:17; Romans 13
... 1 Thessalonians 4:9; 1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11;
... 1 John 4:7; 1 John 4:11; 2 John 1:5; 1 John 3:23;1 John 4:12
Love Toward... 1 Thessalonians 3;12
Minister... 1 Peter 4:10
Pray... James 5:16
Preferring... Romans 12:10; 1 Timothy 5:21
Peace With... Mark 9:50
Receive... Romans 15;7
Salute... Romans 16:16
Same Mind... Romans 12:16
Serve... Galatians 5:13
Submit... Ephesians 5:21
Use Hospitality... 1 Peter 4:9

Most of the things we are to do for one another appear to be what most people would call "positives." However the need to "admonish one another" is just as much an act of love as the need to "minister one to another." And it to is a "positive" if done in the right spirit.

If we are never confronted with a need to change, how will we ever grow? Granted, we are to let love and concern for the person rule our approach but it is not unloving to correct someone.

It is my opinion that psychology has promoted the idea of just listening and never confronting an individual with a wrong way of thinking. Their method seems to be one of allowing a person to come into correct thinking on their own. It may happen but sometimes it takes years and by that time a habit of major proportions has been established. And by that time thousands of dollars has also passed hands. And who can assess the broken trail of heartache that has been left behind.

It is a proven fact that the "cure rate" is as great when friends converse over the kitchen table as when one talks with a professional. There is something about hearing ourselves say things and replaying the conversation later in our mind that helps to correct our course. If our friends have the nerve to disagree with our wrong assessments we have an opportunity for growth. But if our friends agree with us about our misconceptions, the wrong way of thinking is only re-enforced.

I can think of three very dear friends who had the courage to admonish me. I did not particularly appreciate it at the time but what a change it made in my life! It caused me to think and to reassess my life pattern. I praise God for their faithful witness.

When someone's thinking is challenged (ours included) there is an opportunity for growth. Left to our own thoughts we tend to affirm misconceptions over and over until they become life patterns.

Oh, the outcome of the conversation between Carolyn and LeAnn? While Carolyn prayed for her sister the Holy Spirit reaffirmed Carolyn's gentle reminder. LeAnn had to admit that Carolyn was right. She was negative. So the consequence of that conversation was that LeAnn called and apologized. This set the stage for her to begin to focus on the good things of her family's lives and the whole family benefited from her change of focus.

Willetta is a retired minister. In her late seventies, she is wheelchair bound but loves to communicate spiritual thoughts to others. Her websites are: http://www.teachmethyways.org and http://www.successwithkids.org

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